Take Flight

A week left before the end of January. Things have been going so fast recently I haven't had a lot of time to just think. And imagine. And wish. I used to dream a lot before. I used to dream constantly. But the cares of the world tend to rob you of that. And you end up using your free time making business proposals, and your free brain power to find ways to make enough money before payroll. And at the end of the day... Sigh.

I have forgotten the pleasures of my field. It is a sad sad thing. It's not an age thing. My forty-plus-year-old friend has band practice tonight and what am I doing? Staring at my laptop, thinking if I should go finish on a Friday night that quotation for a bid that's due on Monday. It's a heart thing. And I'm just so glad our Pastor, Joey Bonifacio, had me called for a meeting yesterday, to basically just chat. And he told me then about how we live in a value-based world, and how the things you value in your life has to be in good order.

I think I wrote about this in an earlier entry, but I loved his insights on values and how to move people. But this also made me realize that one of the values in my life that has suffered a lot, especially in relation to my work, was pleasure. Enjoyment. Fun. How ironic when I'm in the game industry. I haven't played any hardcore games in a while. I haven't read any romance or fantasy novels in a while. But I know I need to stop and find the enjoyment again.

So tonight I won't make the quote. I'll do that on Monday. Tonight, I will dream. I will imagine like I don't need money, like I have all the time in the world, like I have the courage to do all of these.

• I'd like to pursue God more. I'm attracted to the whole concept of God. More so after I really started following him 3 or 4 years ago. It's hard, mind you. How can you say, "Your will be done," and whine at the circumstance you are faced, right? But such is the story of my life. I whine. I fear. But I have encountered Him before. And I've felt him wash over my heart like flowing water. It's hard to describe. But my loyalty is with him. And I'd like to get my life in order in pursuit of Him.
• I'd like to fall in love with someone. The story of my life is overthought and underfelt. I wish my heart would start beating again. I wish a man would go out of his way to make my heart beat again. I wish I would see something in someone that I would find impressive. I wish my heart would wake up already.
• I'd like to fall in love with something. When I was younger, I liked certain things to the point of obsession. Now, I hardly feel. I feel a little, then it fades quickly, like as if my heart were a bucket with holes. I haven't been drawn to a story lately. I haven't had that infusion of adrenaline lately that would cause me to create an 87-piece illustrated card deck in two weeks, and that while I had work everyday! I want that kind of drive back. I wish my heart would wake up already.
• I wish to travel to another country and live there for a month. It's been a while since I traveled. I wish I can go to Europe. Maybe on a scholarship or an internship. I don't like going to a place for vacation for so long. It bores me. But if I were to go somewhere on a project, that would be so much fun. Then after Europe, maybe I'll go back to Japan for another month. I need to see things and experience new culture. I feel so stagnant lately. I need novelty and new insights.
• I'd like to apprentice myself under Richard Branson. I think over his business skills, what I found appealing was how he enjoyed his business.
• I'd like to go to Il Ballo del Doge in Venice during Carnivale season. The Ball of the Duke is probably one of the most expensive and pretentious gatherings I know. But for one night, I'd like to be pretentious and extravagant, complete with brocade gown and fake hair. After that, I wouldn't be able to help myself, and I'd probably make one similar to that in Vigan or something.
• I'd like to go an a cruise. Disney cruise is what I really want to try. Actually, I imagined it might be fun working on a cruise ship. But I don't think I have any skills a cruise ship can actually use. But yes, a cruise.
• I'd like to take maybe half a year off and go all over the Philippines gathering stories from oral tradition... Does NCCA have a grant like that? I can make a book or a game or digital repository in exchange.
• I'd like to buy a property on Talicud and make it into a wellness and longevity spa. I'm thinking around 3 ha. would be enough. And the cool thing about it is a big part of its electricity will be off-grid.
• I'd like to open a cafe. I'll source the coffee locally. And there will be games.
• I'd like to explore working on projects that deal with human interaction and relationships in relation to social media. Yes, that fascinates me at the moment.
• I'd like to design clothes again.
• I'd like to finally have that oven fixed and start experimenting again on cakes, pastries and candies. Not as a business but just as a hobby.
• And last but not the least, I'd like to finish writing those books already!